That'd Probably be my Animal Equivalent
by asephear
Summary: Because Asfi's animal equivalent would probably be a dolphin. A Hermes and Asfi one-shot.


**Hadn't I said I shipped Hermes and Asfi, haha? Of course, I had to write a short story. Well, I plan to keep it short...**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters (apart from that random stall-owner). I do not own Danmachi/Is it Wrong to Pick up Girls in a Dungeon, either.**

 **Well, I suppose I should roll the story. Isn't that what I always say?**

 **So I shall say it.**

 _ **Roll the story!**_

* * *

"But I _want_ one, Asfi."

Hermes juggled the toy in his hand. It was a orange cat toy, and it was small enough to fit in a pocket. It had big eyes that were the same colour as Hermes'.

And it was absolutely _useless._

"No, Hermes," said Asfi firmly. Although the cat toy was cute, it was a waste of money.

She stared at the toy, then looked away quickly. _Urgh._ It reminded her too much of Hermes.

"But Asfi..." whined the God, petting the toy's head. "It's adorable!"

"Yes, but it's completely _useless,"_ hissed Asfi, trying to keep her voice down so that the stall owner would not hear. She had to give it to him - this was a new idea, to sell toys, but the owner was living in a dungeon-owning, monster-hunting place, so why set one _here?_

"But it reminds me of _me,"_ carried on Hermes.

"S-So?" asked Asfi. She was still perplexed about the resemblance between Hermes and the cat. _Why_ were they so alike?

Hermes shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Just thought I should point it out."

"We _could_ use it as a decoy..." considered Asfi.

" _Decoy?!"_ Hermes, horrified by the idea, clutched the cat toy to his chest. "Not Hermew!"

 _"Hermew?!"_ asked Asfi.

"Hermew," echoed Hermes, nodding. "Because it's my lookalike, so it's Hermes...but it's a cat...so it's Hermew. Because Her from Hermes and mew."

Asfi shook her head in disbelief. "You already _named_ it," she muttered. "You already actually _named_ it."

"Yes I did! So..." Hermes cuddled the cat toy. "Can I _please please please please please please please please_ times _one hundred_ have Hermew?"

"But-but _why?!"  
_

The God shrugged once more. "But Asfi, you know how Bell's a rabbit? Maybe I'm actually a _cat!"_

Asfi sighed. "Little Rookie is _not_ a rabbit, Hermes. He looks like one."

"Maybe I'm a _cat!"_

"You're not a _cat,_ Hermes."

"A _cat!"_

"You're not a-"

" _A cat!"_

Seeing that carrying on would not do anything, Asfi rolled her eyes. She then noticed, after looking at the stall for any _useful_ things, that the stall owner was staring at them confusedly. Asfi turned to face the owner and bowed in apology.

"Sorry," she muttered. "Herm-um, this _God_ here wants a toy."

The owner clapped his hands. "A toy? I have _plenty."_

"Yes, I know, but the thing is we don't really want one-"

"Don't be so modest!" The owner waved a hand. Then, he beamed at them eagerly. "Now, which one do you want?"

Hermes, snapping back from his trance of dreaming of becoming a cat, overheard the conversation, and ran up to the front of the stall. He leant against the stall and slammed a hand onto the counter. "I want Hermew!" he said, shoving the cat toy in the owner's face.

But the owner wasn't paying attention to the toy - he was paying attention to _Hermes._ "T-Toy?" asked the owner, dazed.

"Hermes, get _back,"_ hissed Asfi, pulling Hermes away. But Hermes was _not_ giving up that easily.

"I want Hermew," insisted the God. " _Please_ let me have Hermew!"

But the owner was still dazed. "A-A big cat toy..." he gasped, staring at Hermes. "I'll be _rich_ from this..."

Asfi, realising what was going on, stepped forward. "Sorry, Hermes isn't _actually_ a cat toy."

"I'll be _rich..."_ mumbled the owner. " _Rich..."_ Coming back from his trance, he said, "You know _what,_ young lady? I'll swap the cat toy for that big one there!" He pointed at Hermes.

"M-Me?" stuttered the God. "Sorry, old man, but I'm not _actually_ a cat. I mean, I can see the resemblance, but-"

"Good deal! It's an _extremely_ good deal!" persuaded the owner. " _Please?"_

But Asfi flat-out refused. "Sorry, but I _need_ this God. A lot of people do. And," Asfi took the cat toy from Hermes' hand and dropped some money on the counter. "Here's the pay," she said tonelessly. "We're keeping the cat."

The owner, shocked by the refusal, was still stuck in awe when Asfi and Hermes left. Hermes, shocked by the trade the owner was offering, was _also_ stuck in awe when the two left. Asfi had to slap him to get him out of the trance.

"Hermes!" hissed Asfi.

"Shurberlurg," gargled Hermes.

"W-What?"

"Shurberlurg," repeated the God. Asfi rolled her eyes and waited for Hermes to become his normal self again.

After a few moments of silence, Hermes regained his composure. He asked, "What the hell happened then?"

"I don't know," replied Asfi. Thinking back, she started laughing. Hermes glanced at her, his head tilted to one side.

"S-Sorry," apologised Asfi, covering her mouth. "B-But how he th-thought you were a cat..."

Hermes started chuckling, too. "The resemblance is scary."

Asfi nodded. She started fiddling around with Hermew before Hermes asked,

"Asfi?"

"Hmm?"

Hermes smiled. "You saved my life back then. I could've been a cat toy from them on."

Asfi, trying to cover her happiness of being praised, grumbled, "Would've benefited me more if you _were_ one, I guess."

"I suppose so," agreed Hermes. He tilted his head back so he could see the sky. The sun was setting, causing streaks of vermilion and orange flash across the sky. "Beautiful," murmured the God.

Asfi nodded again.

A few more moments of silence passed.

"...Asfi?"

"Yes, Hermes?"

"...I think _your_ animal equivalent would be a dolphin."

"..."

"..."

"...Hermes?" asked Asfi.

Hermes looked down and faced Asfi. "Yeah?"

Asfi smiled. "I think you should go to hell."

"What? Wa-wait! OW! That _hurt,_ Asfi! Stop hitting me! _Asfi!"_

* * *

 **And that was the one-shot I promised. It may become a two-shot, I dunno! But I wrote this because Hermes just frikking reminded me of an orange cat. So I wrote a story about it.**

 **But anyway, hope you enjoyed! I love writing Asfi's view, so this was enjoyable.**

 **x Indigo**


End file.
